Are you going to keep trying for a girl? Probably the most frustrating question I get asked as a parent (except the obligatory “how’s he sleeping“? He bloody isn’t. Thanks for asking though and reminding me of the fact I snatched three hours broken sleep last night).
I have two gorgeous little boys who astound and amaze me everyday (well, actually, some days they drive me up the wall). We always wanted two children and always knew we wanted just two. After we had R, our eldest little boy, and fell pregnant for the second time, so many people would ask “are you finding out?” “It’d be perfect if it was a girl wouldn’t it?”
What could be more perfect than two healthy babies? We would always say the same thing; “we just want another healthy, happy baby“. Sometimes I felt like people thought I was lying. How could I not be desperate for a little girl?
Because I didn’t want children for gender specific reasons. I don’t want a little girl so I can ‘dress her up’ (someone actually once said this to me – “it’d be lovely to dress her up in cute little dresses with bows in her hair.”) Yes, except, she wouldn’t be a doll. She’d be a baby with, most likely, minimal hair for bow-wearing for at least a year. I’ve not had babies with the sole purpose of dressing them in cute outfits, though this is a happy by product I’ll admit :).
Whilst we were expecting our second, I often thought about whether I really did want a specific gender. Was I just lying to myself, pretending that I didn’t want a girl because, deep down, I just felt it was another boy? Was I somehow protecting myself? Would I secretly love a little girl?
The answer: no. I genuinely didn’t mind. Part of me wanted a little girl because I didn’t have one and it would be nice to watch her grow up, understanding a bit more of what she was going through than I understand with boys. Part of me wanted a little boy because I hoped that having two boys would mean that they would be close. They would grow up best buddies (who will probably fight a lot!), and the youngest would look up to the eldest in an “I want to be like him” sort of way. I know children of different sexes can be equally close, don’t get me wrong. But I was also swayed by the sixteen bags of boys clothes in the attic.
Part of me wanted a girl and part of me wanted a boy.
But you know what the whole of me wanted?
We had a second little boy. And the developing relationship between him and his older brother is one of my favourite things about being a mummy. We always wanted two healthy, happy babies. We’ve got what we always wanted.
But still we get asked “are you going to try for a girl?” as if somehow our two healthy, happy boys are not enough.
They are enough. They are more than enough.
If someone told me they could guarantee me a baby girl if we tried one more time, would I do it?
Because I wanted two children. I’ve got two children. It is more wonderful (and much bloody harder) than I ever imagined. And I am so enjoying anticipating the ‘last times’. The last time I’ll have to put up with teething pains. The last time I’ll have to potty train. The last time I’ll have to wean. I love my two boys with every ounce of my being but I’ve done the ‘having babies’ bit. So whether another baby would be a boy or a girl wouldn’t matter. We wont be trying for a girl.
Because, also, I know what I was like as a teenage girl. I don’t want to inflict that on myself 😉