Are You Going To Try For A Girl?

Are you going to keep trying for a girl? Probably the most frustrating question I get asked as a parent (except the obligatory “how’s he sleeping“? He bloody isn’t. Thanks for asking though and reminding me of the fact I snatched three hours broken sleep last night).

I have two gorgeous little boys who astound and amaze me everyday (well, actually, some days they drive me up the wall). We always wanted two children and always knew we wanted just two. After we had R, our eldest little boy, and fell pregnant for the second time, so many people would ask “are you finding out?” “It’d be perfect if it was a girl wouldn’t it?”

Why?

What could be more perfect than two healthy babies? We would always say the same thing; “we just want another healthy, happy baby“. Sometimes I felt like people thought I was lying. How could I not be desperate for a little girl?

Because I didn’t want children for gender specific reasons. I don’t want a little girl so I can ‘dress her up’ (someone actually once said this to me – “it’d be lovely to dress her up in cute little dresses with bows in her hair.”) Yes, except, she wouldn’t be a doll. She’d be a baby with, most likely, minimal hair for bow-wearing for at least a year. I’ve not had babies with the sole purpose of dressing them in cute outfits, though this is a happy by product I’ll admit :).

Whilst we were expecting our second, I often thought about whether I really did want a specific gender. Was I just lying to myself, pretending that I didn’t want a girl because, deep down, I just felt it was another boy? Was I somehow protecting myself? Would I secretly love a little girl?

The answer: no. I genuinely didn’t mind. Part of me wanted a little girl because I didn’t have one and it would be nice to watch her grow up, understanding a bit more of what she was going through than I understand with boys. Part of me wanted a little boy because I hoped that having two boys would mean that they would be close. They would grow up best buddies (who will probably fight a lot!), and the youngest would look up to the eldest in an “I want to be like him” sort of way. I know children of different sexes can be equally close, don’t get me wrong. But I was also swayed by the sixteen bags of boys clothes in the attic.

Part of me wanted a girl and part of me wanted a boy.

But you know what the whole of me wanted?

A baby.

We had a second little boy. And the developing relationship between him and his older brother is one of my favourite things about being a mummy. We always wanted two healthy, happy babies. We’ve got what we always wanted.

But still we get asked “are you going to try for a girl?” as if somehow our two healthy, happy boys are not enough.

They are enough. They are more than enough.

If someone told me they could guarantee me a baby girl if we tried one more time, would I do it?

No.

Because I wanted two children. I’ve got two children. It is more wonderful (and much bloody harder) than I ever imagined. And I am so enjoying anticipating the ‘last times’. The last time I’ll have to put up with teething pains. The last time I’ll have to potty train. The last time I’ll have to wean. I love my two boys with every ounce of my being but I’ve done the ‘having babies’ bit. So whether another baby would be a boy or a girl wouldn’t matter. We wont be trying for a girl.

Because, also, I know what I was like as a teenage girl. I don’t want to inflict that on myself 😉

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36 Comments

  1. Oh gosh i feel for you. I have a girl and three boys and i've been asked constantly i'f i wanted a girl so I had 2 of each. it's awful. People will comment whatever the situation I think #bigfatlinky

  2. I agree, it is an annoying question! I have twin girls and people tend to ask me if I'm going to try again for a boy. Why? I'm happy with my girls and even if we did try for another I'd be happy whether it's a boy or a girl! #justanotherlinky

  3. Isn't it bizarre?! I have a friend who always wanted three children. She had a boy then a girl and everyone assumed she would stop because she had one of each. Crackers.

  4. They will indeed. I have friends who have three children. They had a boy then a girl and her mother in law actually said "well you're finished now then aren't you?!" Madness!

  5. Cute boys! I had one of each and then a third – people were sometimes perplexed as to why I was having a third when I already had a boy and a girl! Duh I wanted another baby not a dolly… also when I say I have 3 they ask what sex when it's 2 boys and a girl they presume the girl is last and look confused when I say the girl is in the middle!

  6. I get this all the time too! So annoying it is almost as if they think I'm disappointed with my son. How could someone so amazing ever disappoint me. I had a friend with 5 boys she constantly got asked did you keep trying to get a girl. No, she always wanted a big family, annoying!

  7. I know – why would we be unhappy with our boys? I'm one of two sisters and I always used to ask my dad if he wished he'd had a boy. He always assured me he didn't – now I know how he feels!

  8. I can't understand why people ask this! I had a boy, then with my second pregnancy was asked about wanting a girl all the time. I was hoping & praying for a healthy baby & we had another boy – which I was delighted about, as he & his brother are great friends. Watch out if you have another pregnancy…with my third it was over load of people wishing a girl for me. I did have a little girl but would have been quite happy with another boy. #justanotherlinky

  9. I have two girls, and actually I have never been asked do I not want a boy! Though OH sometimes gets comments about being outnumbered. I agree with you, having a healthy baby is more important than caring about gender. Before I had my first, I actually thought I slightly preferred a boy, though I did not mind much. But now I love having girls – I think because your kids are perfect to you, your preferences just shift to what you have! #justanotherlinky

  10. It seems to be this weird assumption that women want girls and men want boys! I think you're right though – once you have your children, you love them so much you don't mind what they are!

  11. Love this. I have one boy at the moment but we are thinking about trying for number. I already get comments assuming I will be wanting a girl as I already have a boy. Sooo not true, I will be equally happy with either. Great post #justanotherlinky

  12. You're absolutely right! With two little boys I get this too! all.the.time!! But I don't understand what could be better than little boys' gorgeous brush-cut haircuts you just want to touch and their cute-but-still-sensible outfits that you can actually chuck in the dryer without worrying if the glitter will come off? And I love the comment that YOU remember being a teenage girl! Haha! Me too! Sticking to boys!

  13. Absolutely with you on the clothes thing. I'd be petrified of putting a tutu in the wash – what setting does that even go on?! Much more comfortable with t shirts and jeans. And how adorable do little boys look in shirts?!

  14. Your post made me laugh – when I was expecting Little B everyone assumed a boy would 'complete our family' because we already had a girl and a boy would be 'what we wanted'… #justanotherlinky

  15. Oh i completely agree with you, we have a little boy and everyone is constantly saying "Would you like a girl?" etc etc. I would be happy with a baby!! Lovely read! Thanks for sharing! Suz x Beauisblue.com

  16. Very well said! We tried for our first for 18 months. As you say, I'm sure people thought we were lying when we said that we didn't mind what we had. We just wanted a baby. Any baby. And I am thankful every day that we were given one 🙂 I found you via #TwinklyTuesdays, will look forward to more posts!

  17. Oh this is so true! I had it the other way though…we have two girls and when I was pregnant with our third they kept asking me if I hope it is a boy. Annoyed me to no end! Then when I was pregnant with our fourth baby that was a boy people would tell me "Oh well it doesn't matter because you already have a boy and two girl." As if it mattered before? People sometimes they need to think before they talk. #twinklytuesday
    Kristen

  18. There is always a question to be asked isn't there? People never think you can be happpy with what you've got! I get asked a lot if I want a girl (I only have one boy(, and my answer is exactly the same as yours! Yes I appreciate that there are some beautiful clothes for girls but I have no doubt that she would be wearing Zach's hand me downs the majority of the time anyway! People are just annoying and feel they have to know everything! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  19. Since I only have one son the question that I usually get is when are you going to go for number 2! Always. Its always a conversation opener for the people who would see me. Even if they asked me that question last week they are bound to ask me again! So i know your pain. #TwinklyTuesday

  20. Fab post. And a very annoying question! I always wanted a girl and made no secret of it. Bit once I had the second boy I didn't care but people always asked. Now I have no idea what I would even do with a daughter! Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky hope to see you there this week.

  21. Isn't it crazy why people feel they have a right to cut in and make assumptions?! Boy, Girl- surely it's about having a happy baby regardless of gender. When we were pregnant I often got " told" I must be wishing for a boy because I already had a girl. Outdated thinking. Glad you can shrug it off!
    #BestandWorse

  22. I lost count of the number of people who asked when baby number two was planned, despite the fact that our circumstances meant it wasn't! I thought of getting a badge made … Glad you're dealing with it so well 🙂 #bestandworst

  23. Great post hun. Your boys are little stunners. I always wanted a girl to be honest and I got her first time but now I'm not that bothered if we have another. I certainly think 3 kids could be crazy so totally get you there. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and please pop back on Wednesday xx

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