Parenting is tricky. It is full of challenges and paradoxes (I recently wrote a post about all the paradoxes we encounter through parenting – you can read it here).
And sometimes, the Law of Sod decides to make it just that little bit harder for us. Yesterday I went in to work for the day. Now every day my children are both up by 6am. 6.10am if we are extra lucky. But yesterday when I had to get up for work and leave by 7.15? They slept until 6.45am. Sod’s Law at his finest. Today? Toddler threw the tantrum of all tantrums at 2AM!!! Yes, that is not a typo. And both were still awake by 6.05am. Did I have to get up today? Could I have had a lie in? Yep. Did Sod’s Law want to allow that today? No. Of course not.
Sod’s Law doesn’t just like to tinker around with the time you get up in the morning. Oh no. Let’s say your child has the tantrum of all tantrums at 2am (I’m not over it yet – this is my therapy – hopefully the more I write it, the quicker it will be erased from memory). You then get back into bed, wide awake and begin redesigning your kitchen/planning Christmas/singing children’s TV theme tunes in your head for hours whilst your little one goes almost straight back to sleep. Then just as you drift off, having done all your Christmas shopping in your head for the past three hours, your child decides it’s time to get up for the day. It’s times like these I tend to mutter “FFS” under my breath. I’ve realised I’m muttering at Sod’s Law for keeping me awake choosing new crockery for my dream kitchen, rather than my child who has slept soundly since his epic tantrum*
*I’ll try not mention the tantrum again. I can’t promise anything.
What I love most about Sod’s Law is it’s ability to make you look like a massive melodramatic liar. The baby (8 months) had been going through a clingy, whiney phase about a month ago. I had not had my hair cut for over 8 months (no award for figuring out why). So I booked to have a real good cut and colour. It took three and a half hours. I left baby with Daddy, stressing that he would be a nightmare and just wouldn’t give my other half a break all morning. When I got home?
“He’s been brilliant. He had a two hour nap.” WHAT??!!! Little Sod (the law, not the baby).
It’s not just sleep or rational behaviour which Sod’s Law robs us of though. It has robbed me of actual money before. You know, when your child becomes obsessed with a certain food, let’s say raisins. So next time you do your weekly shop, you buy 72 mini boxes of raisins because, even though you know that averaging ten boxes of raisins a day would cause some serious toileting issues, that your toddler does actually eat other food and that they actually sell them at the Tesco Express which you can spit at from your own house, you decide you must stock pile raisins as if you’re expecting some sort of apocalypse. Then you get home, give your toddler a box of raisins, and he doesn’t like raisins anymore! I think we’ve still got boxes lurking somewhere in the pantry. If there’s an apocalypse, our family will last at least five days on raisins alone.
Mr Sod also has a lovely way of catching us out and he especially loves to do it in public. When your baby is tiny, wherever you go, you take four wardrobe changes because, well……poo. When they’re little it gets everywhere. But there comes a point when you need to pack a few toys in the bag which, unfortunately, has only its size in common with Mary Poppins’ bag and not that amazing ability to hold everything including a huge lamp and a really irritating parrot. So you begin to downscale the outfit changes to just three, then two, then one. But always one. And as long as you have that one outfit, you wont need it. Baby is weaning so poos are more solid and he fills his nappies better so that there are less horrendous explosions which render all clothes useless and bin-worthy.
But if you haven’t got that one outfit? You know the time the bottle of milk spills all over the bag and you have to empty it? And when you re-pack it, you forget an outfit? Guess what happens whilst you’re having coffee in John Lewis? Yep – the worst nappy explosion ever**.
**this is even worse once your toddler is potty trained and you think you’re safe to go out without spare pants and trousers. The problem with a toddler is that you can’t just wrap him in a muslin like a tiny Julius Caesar. He will protest.
If you’ve read The Parenting Paradox mentioned above, you’ll know what I’m referring to when I say that Sod’s Law loves a good bit of profanity. Your child learns to talk. You say all sorts of words every day like ‘Mummy’, ‘Daddy’, ‘dog’, ‘Peppa Pig’. But when does your child repeat you? When you say ‘fuck’, ‘shit’, ‘piss’ or ‘bollocks’ probably.
So there it is. Bloody Sod’s Law. But the ultimate Law of Sod is when you have wine in the house all week whilst your kids are being little angels. But when you run out? They will become the Tazmanian Devil. Guaranteed.