10 Weird Things Which Become Normal Once You Have Kids

Today, my thirteen month old licked my face. It’s how he gives kisses at the moment. So, because I knew he was giving me a kiss, I thought “ahhhh, cute.” Not “arghhhhh, gross,” which is, I think, the natural response to someone licking your face.

And it got me thinking about the things I just accept as ‘normal’ now that I have children.

Most of these apply to Mums and Dads (and possibly some Grandparents!) with the exception (hopefully) of number 9…..

1. Picking someone else’s nose. Not only does it become ‘not-weird’ but you, actually, secretly enjoy the satisfaction of getting that elusive bogey from your child’s nostril.

2. The idea of watching grown adults open Kinder Eggs and unbox toys, and then play with them, on YouTube. This is just an everyday occurrence now. Seriously. Grown men playing with Thomas the Tank Engines.

3. Talking about poo. Our eldest recently went through a phase of ‘runny poos’. My husband and I updated each other after every bowel movement: “that one was semi-solid darling.” We said it as naturally as if we were asking if the other if they wanted a cuppa.

4. This:

5. Paying for someone else to look after your child so you can go back to work in order to afford the cost of paying someone to look after your child. Shout out to all the parents earning around £136 a month after nursery fees.

6. Answering questions like “how can I change this carrot into a potato?” and “can you smell my trump Mummy?”

7. Eating food that has been chewed by someone else. If you say that you’ve never eaten a half chewed rice cake that your child has spat into your hand, I say you’re lying.

8. Peppa Pig. Even if you suspend belief about the pigs living in houses and driving cars, or Miss Rabbit working a hundred jobs without hearing a peep from the unions. Even if you can cope with the voice of Dr Hamster the vet or with the arrogance of Edmund Elephant. Even if the ‘Bing Bong Song’ doesn’t make you reach for a bottle of wine at 10am. Even if all these things are completely normal, you know that Peppa Pig has got you in her clutches when even Mr Potato seems run-of-the-mill. If you are not familiar with Mr Potato, imagine the character below announcing to a world of talking animals; “Your friend, and man, Mr Potato,” in a slightly Russian accent. Terrifying.

 

9. ‘Leaking’ when you sneeze/cough/laugh. Never has ‘I pissed myself laughing’ been more meaningful.

10. Feeling like a part of your heart is walking around outside of your body. Pre-kids this would be scary. Now? Totes normal.

And now some normal things which become weird (unlikely) once you have kids:

  • Reading for pleasure
  • Housework
  • Sleeping
Now please excuse me, I’m just off to check on the scientific state of my child’s bowel movements 🙂

 

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16 Comments

  1. haha strange how acceptance of strange situations change when you become a parent, can you imagine telling your teenage self they would one day feel comfy picking someone elses nose lol #bigpinklink

  2. Part of My heart is wandering outside my body a lot!! I love being a mum. We've not discovered the tv shows yet, I'm sure we will! Poo is a great topic of conversation, we had a two poo Saturday and a no poo Sunday this weekend! #bigpinklink

  3. My son has reached the age where he has a nose picking obsession – so he has now taken over picking the babies nose, taking one of lifes small pleasures away! #bigpinklink

  4. Aw yes totally to all of this! I completely understand and follow all of the characters of In the Night Garden, and it does not at all concern me that the ninky nonk goes upside down or changes size dramatically from one shot to the next. It just "is". Bit like Mr Tumble, or being kissed, but then having to wipe someone else's snot out of my mouth. Also how is it acceptable to pick up a human and sniff their bottoms? Dogs do this. Until parenthood I never had any burning need to sniff a butt, I was clearly missing out! 😉 Great post as always! Xx
    #bigpinklink

  5. Haha. I do quite enjoy picking my sons nose..eeep. Number 4 made me laugh out loud, Mr Tumble really is a strange being. Now my son is potty training, my husband and I talk about his bowel movements more than ever. Really funny post xx #bigpinklink

  6. I've gone through stages of hating Peppa Pig, to not minding it, to getting far too excited at a previously unwatched episode!! Seriously we've done the theme park, the stage show and went to the cinema to watch the special episode! Peppa Pig is feeling a bit like an extension of the family…which is very, very disturbing! #BigPinkLink

  7. I can totally relate to all of this… when my kids are still babies, we always enjoyed picking snot from their noses, so satisfying, isn't it? And yes, peppa pig, my little girl love it, but all of us are fed up with it, but to have peace and quiet, we bear with it. Lovely post! #passthesauce

  8. Love this!! So funny how discussing another person's poo and bogies is so normal. It is dead satisfying getting those bogies out though. I've been known to send a picture to my husband while he's at work of particularly large and stubborn ones!!

    We've not got to the television stage yet but I can well imagine it. And the nursery fees are crazy, I have friends and family who literally earn about £50 a month. Oh, the phrase 'a part of your heart is walking around outside your body' is gorgeous!! #passthesauce

  9. #5 and #8!! And I think all mothers should be banned from saying PML (even though I do say it on blog comments) because it is a bit redundant really…clearly our bladders are all challenged once we become mums. Thanks for joining #passthesauce

  10. This is bloody brilliant. Nose picking is so rewarding even though its such now shes 2 i still give it a good go..shes started doing it herself! thanks for sharing made me almost piss myself laughing the mum kind!haha #chucklemums

  11. The poo conversation is a regular one in our household. Whoever did the changing describes the size/shape of the poo in detail to the other parent. I really feel #5 too – I'm about to put my daughter into nursery and it's going to take a GIANT chunk of my paycheck. #fartglitter

  12. Oh yes, poop talk is so normal I don't even think about it. I also agree that when you finally capture the evasive booger and stop to marvel at how something so huge could be found in such a tiny nostril. Ah, parenting! #cherisheverymoment

    #fartglitter

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